Lucille Russell-Lawson (HS Sr. 1923)
To the best of my knowledge my mother never spoke poorly of anyone, and very seldom of any thing. It was a remarkable quality…but one that I assumed was motivated by a conscious determination to always ‘act properly,’ regardless of circumstances. It was not until I was in my early twenties that I learned the underlying truth.
We were having lunch together one day, and I was carrying on about what a jerk my father was. As poorly as he had treated her, she typically refused to join in my little rant. Instead, she looked me straight in the eye and countered with a glowing summary of his many admirable qualities. And that’s when I finally asked her how it was possible to always be so positive…to never (literally never) speak ill of anyone or anything. She smiled, thought for a moment, then said the following:
“I know you probably think it’s an act, or that I’m either too stupid or idealistic to recognize the negative side of things. But that’s not it at all. When I was young I certainly turned over my share of stones. Enough, at least, to learn that most had worms underneath. Learning that, however, didn’t convince me that the ‘underside’ of things had any more right to claim my interest or attention than the ‘upside.’ In my mind, the only relevant question was which of the two I would allow to dominate my thoughts and feelings. The one was typically unpleasant, the other was not. Early on I decided which view I wanted to guide my life. Put simply, you can spend your life on deck, where the air is fresh and the view is promising and far…or down in the boiler room. It’s entirely a matter of choice.”
Lucille Russell-Lawson (Alpha Gamma Delta Sorority, Nebraska Wesleyan University - 1928)
* * *
Thoughts of my father still hover somewhere below the waterline. But whenever I think of my mother, I now see her standing ‘topside’ next to the rail, looking to the horizon…and beyond.
I really appreciate the quiet in your writing. I’m revisiting your website after too long away… I do so hope you are well.
I read it several times, & I think you have captured
Mother very well. She always had an upbeat attitude,
Sometimes I thought that she lived in her own little
world, & that she didn’t see the real world, but what
she said to you, puts a different light on things. Always
loving & always caring she was very special.
I asked her one time why she hadn’t told us the truth
about Dad, & she told me I wouldn’t have believed her, &
only would have hated her for saying anything against
him. I loved him so much, & felt closer to him than I did
to Mother. She was a special person, & I know she really
loved you.
I agree with Barbara that you captured your mother very well, or that she knew herself very well. As I look back on my experience with her, she always treated me very well, in that year on the dairy in Oregon, she frequently defended me against Dad, and always treated me as her own after he left. I would have preferred to stay there with her when Dad had me come back to California (much as I had missed the Glendale I had known as an independent newspaper boy).
Then, after I had had enough of problems there with Dad, I left without talking to him about it, and drove that old car I had to your home in Eugene, where, broke as I was, I was welcomed by your mother. and got a job with the railroad that allowed me to buy that piece of property and start to build a garage apartment, where I could live when I went on to college at the University of Oregon.
I went to Alaska that summer of 1950 to make enough to build a house on that property while I went to school. Then came the Korean War, my applying for Navigation School, and coming “home” to Eugene to marry Naomi. Your mother helped in planning the wedding and loaned us her car for our honeymoon.
Then we got in trouble with our car, then I found out I wasn’t supposed to be married, Naomi went home to her folks in Eugene, and then lost the baby, your mother stood as my mother in all of that. Then she took Naomi in after I left for Okinawa, and treated her as well while I was gone.
As I look back I think I should have appreciated those qualities you noted as special in you mother more than I did, and that, in spite of the fact that she never made a point of it, she was indeed one of the most generous spirits I have ever known. I was comfortable around her–trusted her judgment and values–particularly when I was in some kind of trouble. Thanks for bringing her back to my memory this way.
My love goes out to her.
Bob
What a fabulous article! I found it via Google, as I’m looking for Lucille Russell Lawson, a member of Alpha Gamma Delta sorority who’s on our lost sister list. Based upon her initiation date, she would be over 100 years old. In seeing her sorority photo, is this by chance her? Did she attend Nebraska Wesleyan University? Thanks so much!
Jo Adams: Yes, it is her. I’ve sent you additional info via email.
I really enjoyed reading this. My father was like that. He never said anything horrible about people. It actually amazed me as a child, and still does, even though he is dead in the corporeal sense, but not in my memories. By the way, your mother is a beautiful woman. :-)